I clip for Nick and I’m the peg that’s blue.
That’s also Colin’s colour (!) and they host at Ganarew.
They offer us a setting that’s perfection to the letter;
It’s a pity that the croquet cannot be a little better.
I am the red peg and I clip for Jimmy J.
His jokes can be awful but his Croquet’s quite OK.
He sports a unique mallet that smites the ball with a sound
That makes you truly wonder whether it’s going to remain round.
This colour is for George and it’s appropriate that it’s black
Since he’s inclined to hit the ball with a thundering great smack.
But if the game doesn’t interest you, you really don’t have to stop,
Just go and gorge on the straws at their tempting Farm Shop.
Talk of food brings me to John and his colour yellow.
I hope he wont much mind if I call him stout fellow.
You see the hospitality he provides is truly the stuff of fable
And all of us eat and drink far more than we are able.
Orange stands for Peter, set in his arboreal maze.
There are some challenges he mounts there for anyone who plays.
Rift valleys and mountain ranges in horticultural miniature
And the depredations of rabbits for which there is no cure.
I represent the other Peter, and my colour is quite white;
This is because, sadly, dear Peter’s no longer in sight.
No man nor woman was keener than Lorraine and Peter were,
So let’s pause a moment and give our thoughts to her.
Brown stands for the rest of us, a motley bunch to be sure.
Each year we turn up again, pleading with our hosts for more.
There’s Robert B, famed for the Bodoano prod,
It’s results can be great, even if it looks a little odd.
All of us have learnt to bear the slagging perfected by Crix;
We know it’s designed to put us in a quite impossible fix.
Some, like Pope – I mean Pope the minor
Play a game that can’t possibly be much finer.
And how about Anthony BT – a pity he prefers croquet to bowls.
But he improves the tone of our meetings when he turns up in his Rolls.
I would like to mention all of us who are gathered here today.
But I would witter on too long; however there surely is no way
I can omit any mention of Richard Wainman
Who provides that note of quality that makes the rest of us look like cavemen.
There remains one peg more to bring to your attention.
Green is for Andrew and Heather – they most deserve a mention.
We thank you both for all you have done to keep this activity rolling,
Organising with annual élan our complex coming and going.
If we forget to turn up or dare to be a trifle late
Elimination from the list can be our dismal fate.
If we play to the Summer evening’s very last breath
Andrew could shut us down with his sudden,sudden death.
We thank you both and all our hosts.
Let’s raise our glasses and give them toasts!